Psychologist Susan Dale interviewed 70,000 people, and of those 70,000 people one third said they judged themselves for having ‘bad’ feelings. Things like:
- Feeling sad
- Feeling angry
- Experiencing feelings of grief
Feelings we all have at times.
All the non-positive emotions are “pushed aside,” says Susan. Worse still, we “shame children out of those emotions” too, so they’re left with no idea how to handle them in everyday life.
It’s a “tyranny of positivity,” says the Harvard Medical School psychologist and author, which is “cruel, unkind, and ineffective”.
Suppressing ‘bad’ emotions and trying to ignore them simply “amplifies those emotions,” says Susan, because that “internal pain will always come out”.
“You have dead people’s goals”
With smile-inducing dark humour, this is what Susan says to those who “don’t want to feel disappointed” or want their negative feelings to just “go away”.
“Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life.” ~ Susan David
The “key to resilience and being happy,” says Susan, is to be open to emotions like pain, grief, loss and regret, and you can do that by acknowledging what you feel.
Use your emotions to “direct your life”
Susan once told a patient struggling with strong emotions they hadn’t yet shared, to write it all out and release the feelings trapped in their mind and body.
“Write like nobody’s reading,” she said…
And importantly, “tell the truth”.
More from Susan David
- Watch Susan’s TED Talk
- Visit her website for a free chapter of her book, Emotional Agility
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